Using ritual in your ceremony

Ritual is a term used to describe a ceremonial act. It is accompanied by words spoken by me or by you. Examples of rituals include a wine ceremony, sand ceremony, handfasting, candle lighting, tree planting, water ceremony.

The use of rituals and participation by guests can add to the intention and purpose of your marriage - for example, a candle ceremony joining the families of the couple together states the intention of accepting and integrating both families into your relationship and avoiding division. For health purposes, I recommend using beeswax candles as these are made from natural substances and are not petroleum based, or other non-toxic candles. A lot of candles around give off toxic fumes - energetically, this could introduce a toxic element to the ceremony.

You do not have to include rituals. It is your choice always. Some people choose to release birds or butterflies or balloons in their ceremonies - but be sure you are aware of the environmental and animal rights issues before you do this.

Readings, music and poetry

Many people add readings or poetry to the ceremony - such pieces can add a special touch to the ceremony. Family or friends may wish to read these instead of the celebrant. It is important to acknowledge the authors at this time. Or you may wish to write a love letter to each other and read it during the ceremony. It need not be long and is very moving to listen to - good for ultra romantic ceremonies! Click here for links to websites with readings and poetry.

Music is an important part of your ceremony as well and is a chance to really individualise your ceremony. Have a look at these links to wedding music and read more about wedding music here (it also applies to commitment ceremony music).

You may like to have live music - a string quartet or harpist - or for something a wee bit wild, a troupe of drummers or a piper. If family or friends are musicians, it is a great personal touch to have them perform during your ceremony.

Recorded music may be played for the ceremony too. It is worthwhile enlisting the support of that family member or friend who is a sound and music guru (if the venue does not have a sound system), otherwise amplification of the music may be a problem and the songs won't have the same impact as if played at a suitable volume. Many portable CD players do not have the ooomph needed for outdoor ceremonies.

Have a look at this list of wedding and ceremony music too - some alternative choices.

Love me Sweet, with all thou art...
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Marriage Vows and Ring Vows

Your vows are also a reflection of who you are and what you wish your relationship to be. If writing your own vows, consider what is important to you individually and as a couple. Your vows are solemn promises you make to each other. You need to be sure that you can make those promises to each other freely and honestly. Will you be able to keep the promises you are making? No one knows for sure. But if they are made from the heart, they will not be so difficult to live by.

If only one of you will have a ring, you could consider giving the other partner a gift at the same time - either something durable like a watch or something symbolic like a red rose (meaning I love you).

Here are some links to websites with examples of wedding vows (which may be adapted to your ceremony).

Personal history

You may like to include some personal history in your wedding ceremony, especially if you are holding your ceremony in a place that is significant to you. It gives a sense of meaning to your guests as well. Or include a funny story about how you met to give your ceremony a light hearted feel. Or a romantic story. This part of your ceremony can also be used if you have children to let them know how important they are in your marriage.

Traditions and symbolism

There are many subtle ways you can add meaning and energy to your wedding and your marriage - the use of colour, the flowers you choose, the gems in your wedding rings, the use of essential oils or flower essences, the day of the week you marry on, the time of day and the astrological profile for the day of your ceremony. You can still incorporate traditions into your ceremony that were customarily used in weddings, for example, "something borrowed, something blue, something old and something new." It is your ceremony and it is your choice of what to include. It is common today to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land at openings and meetings - you can do this in your ceremony too, if you would like to. Click here for some links to websites explaining symbols and traditions.

Themes

You can choose a theme for your commitment ceremony and celebration - medieval, fancy dress, a colour, floral, an era (eg. rock and roll or flower power) or related to your cultural background or your passions in life. Or you may want to ensure that your celebration is "green", that is, that it is environmentally-friendly! This can take some more effort on your part, for example, organising a bus to bring the guests to your ceremony instead of everyone driving, ensuring that your invitation stationery uses recycled paper and that organic food is served at your celebration.

See these links to green sites to help with this.

More on ceremonies for same sex couples

Same sex ceremonies can be traditional or modern - the important thing is that they reflect your tastes and values as a couple and your relationship. In some ways, a commitment ceremony truly honours your relationship because you are not bound by the traditional vows of marriage or the legal requirements. It is not something expected of you as a couple so taking this step is a true meeting of the hearts. At the same time, I acknowledge that this ceremony does not necessarily compensate for not having the same rights under the law. Click on the rainbow for links to help with your same sex commitment ceremony and links to other GLBT sites.